“Welcome to the ‘50’s Club.’”
First of all, “50’s” is grammatically incorrect (pedants gonna pedant), but more importantly, slow your roll, AARP.
Not that I’m dreading turning 50, other than the thought of being 50 just seems weird, but I still have a few weeks left of being in my 40s, so there’s no need to rush it.
It also goes to show that AARP is now strictly a brand name, as not only do I not know many retired 50-year-olds, it turns out that you don’t even have to be 50 to join.
I wasn’t great at being unemployed, but I think I’d be good at being retired — all of the not going to work, none of the knowing I have to get a job and wondering if I will.
Problem is, unless someone is willing to give me a considerable amount of money — American, please, and acquired legally — my mortgage still needs paying and I like to eat, so retirement isn’t a thing I can do yet.
But after realizing the envelope from AARP that I took out of the mailbox was addressed to me, I figured I’d at least see what was on offer. For $16, I can get:
- An insulated trunk organizer that’s “roomy, durable and designed to stay put,” with insulated lining that “keeps the cold stuff cold” … but I have to order by June 8.
- Savings on medications, plus up to 30 percent off eyewear — not a bad deal, but I wish I could somehow make my vision 30 percent better.
- “A proven advocate for protecting Social Security, Medicare and affordable healthcare” — It’s really cute that they think there will be Social Security and Medicare by the time I’m old enough to use them.
- Dining, grocery and travel discounts — This has nothing to do with AARP, but I used to work at a McDonald’s in a mall, and although I didn’t work mornings all the time, the older folks in the mall-walkers group were very serious about getting their discounted coffee.
- Resources on job searching, fraud protection, family caregiving and staying fit — I could probably use help from someone to stay fit (I’m not doing a spectacular job myself), but I really hope to never have an involuntary job search ever again.
- A subscription to the AARP magazine — Halle Berry is 55?
- Access to dental, vision life and home insurance — Is there any chance it’s better and cheaper than what I have now?
- The AARP Now app — There’s a joke about old people and apps, but I’m not going to make it.
On the surface, it seems like a pretty good deal. I just don’t know if I can say “I’m an AARP member” yet, even if it’s not actually for old people anymore.
However, if they can show me the secret to being a boss pickleball player, I might consider it.
The next day, I got a jury summons. I’m staring to think I shouldn’t get the mail anymore.
The thing in my house
We recently acquired a flubgo, which leads to the obvious question — “What is a flugbo?”
I put it to the people to give their best guess.
And the answer is … Flugbo is a brand of lamp that you can get at IKEA.
Stuff I read
Aaron had a really strange dream.
Renata really, really loves bananas. I mean … really loves them.
Rosie is tired of feeling like she always has to prove herself.
Learn a few things about Savannah.
What makes Becky comfortable?
Austin had to figure out a way to recharge his battery.
Pea Green served as a chaperone at her son’s camp.
Carlos has Giggles all excited these days.
Kristian shares some photos. In particular, I recommend the sunsets.
Nancy is getting used to management.
Anthony tells us that “When a person makes a general statement, portraying it as a solution for the masses, they ultimately fail their audience.” — unless, of course, I make it.
River’s news you can’t use includes an item that’s about as surprising as Tuesday following Monday.
Tweets I liked
If he doesn’t yell at me for being old before my time (see the top of this post), Bob will probably do it for saying he’s a genius.
To be fair, the book was amazing.
When you grew up without cable, and couldn’t get ESPN on the satellite dish, SportsChannel was a godsend.
Not sure when mine’s going to be.
It generally works for me.
They listen so well.