The Captain’s Quizmas

All I want for Christmas is not to finish last.

Yes, I asked for other things from other people, but for the purposes of Paul’s Quizmas challenge, the only thing I’m asking for is not to be at the bottom of the barrel a third straight time.

I know that means I’m wishing for someone else to get coal in his or her blogging stocking, but someone’s going to get it, and I really don’t want it to be me.


1. Santa Claus is on a health kick this holiday season. Instead of milk and cookies, what snacks would you leave out for him?

Given that Suzi’s father once left out a salad for him, this may not be the first time Santa has been trying to watch his waistline.

I could never bring myself to do the same, but instead I would leave a nice turkey sandwich on whole-grain bread. Keeping it on the counter for hours probably wouldn’t be a good idea, but I’d leave a note saying it’s in the fridge, and that there’s some lettuce, onions, mayo and mustard if he’s not like me and likes something on his sandwiches.

2. Picture your 8-year-old self. You are home alone during the holidays, when burglars try to break in to your house. What do you do?

Call my grandparents or friends of my parents who live about five minutes away. Or just open the window and scream, since the neighbors’ house is about 25 feet away.

3. Have you ever bought a gift for someone else that you wanted to keep for yourself? If so, what was it?

I can’t say that I have. I did, however, once buy a “Lord of the Rings” DVD for Suzi because I thought she said she’d be interested based on seeing a trailer for it. When she opened it, she thought I was confused and meant to give it to my brother.

4. Which would you rather build: a snowman or a snow fort? Explain your decision.

Snowman … I do not have the engineering chops to build a snow fort that wouldn’t immediately collapse.

5. It is your job to remind others to drive safely in treacherous winter conditions. Write a Public Service Announcement that will play on the radio this winter.

“This is John Tavares, captain of your Toronto Maple Leafs. Whether you’re coming to one of our games, going to work or having fun around the GTA, be safe. Make sure your tires are in good shape, watch your speed and check road conditions at”

(This is obviously a local ad.)

6. There is a holiday party at your workplace and everyone must bring in one dish of food to share. What are you bringing?

Suzi’s famous chocolate crack brownies. They’re basically chocolate … and more chocolate … with some extra chocolate thrown in. They have made me more popular at every part I’ve ever taken them to.

7. Someone got you a hippopotamus for Christmas because you insisted, “only a hippopotamus will do”. How did they give it to you?

They brought it in some large, hippopotamus-carrying vehicle and walked it to my front door. It’s not exactly going to fit down my chimney.

8. What advice would you give someone who isn’t good at wrapping presents?

There are two choices., both based on my inability to wrap presents.

  1. Lean into it. You suck at it, and probably won’t improve, so embrace your suckiness. Also, try to wrap solid gifts that are square or rectangular. You’re not creative enough to do anything more challenging.
  2. Hope you live with someone who’s good at it and doesn’t mind doing your wrapping.

9. In the movie, Home Alone, Kevin McCallister says, “Be sure to bundle up if you go outside. It’s a little nippy.” How do you stay warm when it’s cold?

Jacket, gloves, hoodie under the jacket if it’s really cold.

To clear snow, I wear a thicker jacket and a hat, but the key is the long underwear. You need the extra protection walking through snow drifts.

10. Are you a Dasher or a Dancer? Why?

I dash reasonably well for my age, and can’t dance at all, so Dasher it is.


1. Santa is about to put you on the naughty list this year. Convince him he’s making a mistake and that you were a good person in 2021.

I treated people well, am trying to be a good manager at my new job … and I got vaccinated.

2. There have been allegations that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was bullied by his fellow reindeer. The North Pole calls you in to give the reindeer a stern talking-to. What do you say?

“OK guys … yes, Rudolph’s a little different, with his red nose and all, and I’m sure it’s weird having to teach him all the reindeer games since you guys already know them, but sometime as you’re flying around on Christmas Eve, you’re going to hit clouds or fog or something, and that nose is going to come in handy, so give him a break … OK?”

3. On the television show, The OC, Seth Cohen created Chrismukkah as a way to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Meanwhile, on Seinfeld, George Costanza’s family celebrates Festivus – a secular and non-commercial holiday – on December 23. Create your own alternate winter holiday and tell me all about it. What’s it called? What are the traditions? Who can celebrate?

Captain’s Quizmas Day, Dec. 18, where a group of friendly bloggers gets together to answer Christmas-related questions from our fair quiz creator and judge.

7 thoughts on “The Captain’s Quizmas

    1. The fact that my blatant sucking up is not even helping — I did everything but say it was great to be here … in Toronto (thumbs up, cheap pop) — has me thinking I am not a horse for this particular course. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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