You expect me to believe … what?

I’ve heard some outlandish claims in my day.

After all, there are people who insist that Switzerland is actually a real place, and not a computer-generated, green-screen experience or a set along the lines of “The Truman Show.”

But this one takes the cake.

“Among the LEDs we looked at, we found that the GE Colorite’s hues of warm white and especially multicolor closely matched those of traditional incandescents. They also have a tidy wire that doesn’t curl or twist, simplifying the task of draping them through a tree or storing them in the off-season. The bulbs should last for at least 10 holiday seasons, and you can replace individual bulbs if they go out (or you can just leave those; the rest of the strand will stay lit).”

“The Best Christmas Lights,” Wirecutter, The New York Times

Let’s break this down, shall we?

  • Wire that doesn’t curl or twist — If you stretch out a string of Christmas lights on the floor and walk away for 10 minutes, you’ll come back to a knotted ball of Christmas lights.
  • Replaceable bulbs and strands that stay lit even if one bulb fails — “ONE LIGHT GOES OUT … THEY ALL GO OUT!”
  • Bulbs that last 10 years or more — This must be a typo. Everyone knows Christmas bulbs crap out while you’re putting them on the tree.

I’m sorry, there’s willing suspension of disbelief, but this is a little bit much.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to make sure I schedule my chimney-cleaning so it gets done in time for Santa to arrive.

3 thoughts on “You expect me to believe … what?

  1. I hear you. I spent decades getting outdoor Christmas lights in just the right place …. in ice, snow and minus 20 degree temperatures… only to have half of them die the day after they were strung. Don’t believe a word of that nonsense!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: The week gone by — Nov. 14 – A Silly Place

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