Facebook is very bad at giving gift advice

My friend Renee just had a birthday.

She’s one of my best friends, and we’ve been close for more than 35 years. She’s the type of person who if you don’t like her, I’m going to question your other life choices because your judgment is clearly lacking.

Granted, there’s the whole “obsessed with Dave Matthews Band” thing, but if that’s the main disagreement we have after all this time (they’ve never done anything for me), I’d say we’re doing OK.

Her birthday is one I don’t need Facebook to remind me of unless I don’t remember what date it is (which I kind of did), but I saw it had gift recommendations, so I gave them a “Why not?” look.

It was kind of a mishmash of things, but I did like the “limitless/countless/endless” towel pictured at the top of this post. It’s very nice, and appropriate to our friendship.

Other items … not so much.

This would make a fine gift for one’s spouse, but I’m married … to someone else. Her name is Suzi. I talk about her a fair amount. She’s pretty much my favorite everything, although I am much, much weirder than she is.

If you don’t like her, there’s no need for me to question anything, because I know you’re not worth my time.

But … whatever. Maybe they were a little wide of the mark. It happens, right? Maybe the people who program their shopping setup haven’t figured out the code for men and women being friends.

But wait … there’s more.

Ummmm, no?

There’s apparently a version where your butt is bigger than your heart, which I guess is more appropriate for guys to send, but if either of us gave this to the other, I think the reaction would be less laughter and more asking if someone made a mistake.

I’m not sure Suzi and I would give one of these to each other, and our collective warped sense of humor has been honed by being married for 19 years.

However … it gets worse.