I am here to apologize.
No, it’s not to confess that I’ve been pretending to be a bland, middle-age guy from Massachusetts — because if you’re going to impersonate someone, that’s the first one you’d go for — and seek forgiveness for the scam I’ve been running on this here blog.
Instead, it’s to admit failure on a grand scale.
It started when a bunch of friends and I decided to create the town of our dreams.
The name of our magical land? Cooltown.
And I was given a very specific role in this wonderful place. It was a cause that had been close to my heart for a long time, and I was ready to attack it with gusto.
“In my new role as the head of the department of stupid removal in Cooltown, I pledge that I will be vigilant in the pursuit and removal of all that is stupid. The hours will be long and the work backbreaking, but I pledge nothing but my best. :-)”— Facebook post, Sept. 25, 2009
You can see the problem — ::gesticulates wildly::.
Maybe the job was always too big for any one man, but I’m not sure anyone could have anticipated the advances in the field of stupidity over the past dozen years — ::continues gesticulating::.
However, I had a job, and I failed.
So for that, I am sorry.
What I wrote
It’s a good thing I can write a little bit, because I can’t draw at all.
“I recently saw a bunch of kids drawing.
They had paper and pencils and colored markers, and while I only watched for a couple minutes, it only took me that long to realize: ‘I can’t do this.’”
I’m not “older than dirt” yet, but I will be soon, and if you’re not already, you will be someday, too.
“Someday, the younger folks of today may look back on TikTok and feel really old and lame compared to whatever the ‘kids’ are using.
Don’t believe me?
What if I told you …”
Stuff I read
Stacy had never realized how much guilt was affecting her life.
“As I worked through those beliefs with my therapist, I slowly began to understand how I associated certain memories with guilt and finally learned how to stop beating myself up for not only things that weren’t my fault, but for my emotional reaction to events and circumstances. One of the other benefits of confronting those beliefs was that I discovered how to finally pursue aspects of life that were priorities to me and not other people.”
Pea Green is hosting Christmas this year, so it’s not too early for her to start thinking about what food she’s going to make … like mincemeat.
“I’m usually a bah humbug type and refuse to consider anything festive until November. However, stirring up the mincemeat this weekend smelled absolutely awesome (not like smelly socks, ha ha!) and gave me a little hint of Christmas spirit, well ahead of the usual schedule.”
Vee wants to know the cure for loneliness.
“As much as I’m an introvert, it’s just nice to watch a stupid movie and hear someone else laughing in unison.”
Jeff is stylin’.
“My fashion palette trends toward dull and slightly worn. Never actually trendy and certainly seldom remarked upon.
So I wasn’t prepared this week to get a fashion compliment. I initially missed it because it was couched in words as trendy as I am dowdy.
‘Nice look. Dripping!’”
Liz is having trouble getting her family members to share her love of pumpkin. If she’s looking to share, I am available.
“So, I make a few loaves of pumpkin bread or a couple dozen muffins and ration them out for breakfast or afternoon snacks between late September and Thanksgiving.”
Renata has found a new hobby … puzzles.
“While I knew that I would enjoy smashing colorful pieces together for hours, I was truly surprised how much I enjoyed it. I finished that first puzzle and immediately started another. I was hooked.”
Before getting into a new relationship, Rosie says it’s important to find yourself.
“You take a little with you from every relationship. I started rooting for Italy in soccer because of my last relationship and I haven’t let go of that part of me. It’s fine to take things from your past and keep them as part of your personality. But it is really a shame when your relationship becomes your whole personality.”
Now that she’s living on her own, Becky has to figure out how to feed herself (and her boyfriend on Sundays).
“I found a recipe on Pinterest for ravioli lasagna and made it for football Sunday. Josh comes over and we literally watch football all day, so I like to have something easy to make for dinner. This called for a bag of frozen ravioli, a jar of sauce, and mozzarella and parmesan cheese. You basically layer the sauce, ravioli, and cheese, and it bakes for 30 minutes covered with foil and then about 10-15 minutes cooked uncovered. And it was so good. We had it with Caesar salad—one of those prepared bag mixes from the store — and it’s a meal we’ll be definitely making again.”
Aaron answers a question about time with thoughts about having some problems lately.
“I’m extremely unhappy with my professional life and that has been bleeding into everything else. I have lost all motivation to actively do the simplest functions involved with my work. I only carry on so that I can continue to draw a paycheck. In a field where I once genuinely cared about the well-being of the people I serve… I’m just having hard time these days.”
Graham didn’t quite have the summer he was hoping for.
“As the rain fell and just continued to fall and fall and fall, I distinctly remember that our washing basket was positively overflowing. In fact, I remember my son telling me that he’d ran out of underwear at one point! So, it’s safe to say that the weather this summer has been really underwhelming.”
Tammy welcomes the arrival of fall.
“I happily am kicking summer out of the guest room and welcoming my friend Autumn into the house with her red hair and flowing burnt leaf colored clothing. She smells of coffee, pumpkin, spice, and cider and glows in a way no one else does.”
Fran’s children have various ways of rousing her from her slumber.
“There is the popular ‘shout from the bedroom at increasing volume until I appear’ method.
This is a particular a favourite of my son’s, who I am convinced must believe that I sleep curled up outside his door listening out for his whimpers, as he seems to get very annoyed when I take more than 5 seconds to appear when summoned.”
Kristian returns with the latest tale of a budding relationship.
“‘So, Orioles fan,’ Atticus started between bites, delighted to hear Karmen chuckle, ‘if given a choice between dinner at a fancy restaurant or a hot dog at a baseball game, which would you choose?’
Karmen was impressed with his conversational skills, ‘A hot dog at the ballpark is better than a steak at the Ritz,’ she replied, quoting Humphrey Bogart.
Now, it was Atticus’ turn to be impressed. Not only that she would prefer a day at a ballpark over a fancy dinner, but that she knew the quote from Bogart.”
Speaking of pairs up in Maine, Austin shares Aaron’s and Holly’s discussion of the movie “Cast Away.”
“‘And another thing: If I were ever to go missing like that, you are never, EVER to give up the search for me. Are we clear?’ he demanded.
‘Of course,’ she answered without pause. ‘It would be my life’s mission to find you.’
‘Because if I have any quibble with that film it’s over Helen Hunt’s behavior,’ he just continued rambling much to her delight. ‘When they are finally reunited, she tells Tom Hanks he was the love of his life. Really? Then how come you married Mr. Big from Sex and the City and had a kid? I mean, he was only gone for four years.’”
Pepper’s site went down, but she got it back with a little help from her friends.
“The folks in my Facebook blog support groups were the MOST helpful of all. They gave me a bunch of things to try and I tried them all! I was WAY out of my league with all this but I learned ALOT about troubleshooting blog problems… he good news is that this morning I FINALLY got my blog permanently fixed!!! (Well, for now.)”
Juliette’s car broke down. Happens to all of us, right? But what happened afterward doesn’t happen to everyone (at least I hope not).
“More time passed and the policeman returned. I told him what the RAC had said, and he informed me that if they didn’t come soon I would be fined! Apparently you can’t break down on a busy road. Well, pardon me for choosing this spot, how inconsiderate of me! Sorry car, you’ll have to fix yourself and break down somewhere else instead. Ridiculous! He said it’s because it’s dangerous so they have to cone off the road and in some cases it takes hours to be rescued which is very disruptive for the traffic.”
There is a certain kind of “boy” that Ferrari says is not to be trusted. (If you are familiar with the terminology, you probably know what one I mean.)
“Any person that is truly interested in you, will never leave you questioning your worth. They will message you and let you know when they are thinking of you, because they genuinely miss you and want you to know that no matter where you are, you’re never far from their mind.”
Mari reminds us that unique people lead unique lives.
“There’s no competition. There’s no end game. There’s no prize at the end. You’re simply in a different spot on the map, and the only thing in your control is to decide what to do while you’re there. An experience becomes completely yours when you realize you don’t know the rules — so you have to make your own.”
“Listen, you may not be at your life’s ultimate destination, you may not be the happiest you hoped to be, but at some point, maybe when you were 8 or 17 or 31, you hoped to be where you are now. And here you finally are. How will you celebrate it? How will you enjoy it?”
The Huntress fell victim to “restructuring.”
“I’m so GOD***NED ANGRY right now, and there isn’t anything anyone can say or do that is going to change how I feel at this very moment!!!!”
Tweets I liked
That’s what I’m talkin’ about.
I would imagine not.
I’m fairly chill with the block button on Twitter, but I would mash it into dust in real life.
We don’t have any of these signs in our neighborhood, but I am a fan of the movie.
He shall remain nameless, but Suzi and I know someone who proved that you can have too many tabs open on an iPad that purports to have unlimited tabs.
They look comfy.