The week gone by — July 25

“I found your secret Twitter account.”

I was taken slightly aback when Suzi said that, because while I have multiple Twitter accounts so I can keep general news, sports and my writing separate, she knows about each of them.

So I didn’t know why she was claiming to have pulled an Ashley Feinberg.

i *believe* i may have found mitt romney's secret twitter account https://t.co/SNVUeqbLoY

— Ashley Feinberg (ashleyfeinberg.bsky.social) (@ashleyfeinberg) October 20, 2019

As it turns out, she hadn’t found an actual secret account of mine, but it definitely could have been if someone else hadn’t done it first.

https://twitter.com/tchncllytru/status/1419000575564341261?s=21

By way of background, if you say “Can I ask you a question?” I’m going to reply, “You just did.” And if you then say, “Can I ask you another question?” I’m going to say “You just did” until you ask the actual question or one of us dies.

https://twitter.com/tchncllytru/status/1417842196196347910?s=21

When I was making plans to go to the cafeteria for dinner in college, if my friend would suggest “4:30 … 5,” I would say “Not 4:34 or 4:36?”

https://twitter.com/tchncllytru/status/1418522096087486464?s=21

I’m the guy who would say that, in spite of the ad, you can’t grab a figurative bull by literal horns, or that unless you can’t read, owning a T-shirt that says “Losing? Never heard of it” is impossible.

And I don’t have more friends … why?

https://twitter.com/tchncllytru/status/1418558609886257155?s=21

So even if it’s not me, an account celebrating the pedants and folks who find humor in taking things literally … yeah, those are my people.

What I wrote

If malls are dead, it certainly didn’t feel that way on a rainy Sunday.

It’s not going to be me, but someone is going to get a job as Assistant Director of Happy Kids.

Stuff I read

It has been quite a school year for Pea Green and her boys, but now it’s over. And things are about to get even better.

I could say glib things about 5G and feeling invincible having had my second vaccine dose today.

But actually, I just want to hug my mum, dad and grandma with the reassurance that the likelihood of me inadvertently infecting them is drastically reduced.

— Smelly Socks and Garden Peas (@AndSmelly) July 19, 2021

Graham is also very ready to take a summer break.

Aaron has been doing a lot of thinking about friendships.

With foreign travel pretty much out of the question this year, Rosie is looking forward to traveling domestically.

Savannah has been on two great trips this year, but was surprised to be so happy to be home.

Kristian’s trip to visit family in Baltimore included some interesting conversations.

Ally had a fun trip, in spite of the cooler-shaming. (Yes, you read that right … cooler-shaming.)

Vee’s dealing with idiots again.

For Buffalo Sauce Everywhere, Eleanor “gets real” about accepting her skin.

Austin’s cops headed to a bad part of town, but one of them met an old friend.

Liz is dealing with one of the toughest parts of being a parent.

Pepper spent a weekend doing nothing, and she loved it.

Michelle had a weird wedding, but it looks like it was a lot of fun.

One of Pam’s grandsons helped his cousin get through being vaccinated … sort of.

If it weren’t for the unfortunate impact on my waistline, I could eat ice cream every day, but it’s not Giggles first choice. (Meanwhile, I want to know why cookie dough being my favorite makes me impatient and lazy.)

What's your flavour? #IceCreamDay pic.twitter.com/HyWBhrxiBz

— Elaine Beavis 👰🏻💍🥂 (@ElaineBrandon) July 18, 2021

The Single Vegas Girl encounters a guy who’s trying way too hard to be clever. On the other end, the Dating Bitch has advice for handling an ex who insists on apologizing years later.

Maybe all these dating problems would be solved if people made their choices based on smell, but Jeff isn’t impressed.

BereavedSingleDad kicked a soccer ball into just about the worst possible place to kick a soccer ball.

The Huntress’ date didn’t go so well.

Jackie in Italy found the summer she had been waiting for.

Now Shayleene can share.

Tweets I liked

I will also have to remember to leave the front of my TV from time to time.

And now we hit the point in the summer when my TV will be on @NBCOlympics continuously. #Olympics #OlympicGames

— Erin Westphal (@WestphalErin) July 24, 2021

I’ll skip the dancing, but I appreciate the sentiment.

I started singing "shut up and dance with me" and dancing in the aisle at work today and a lady thanked me, saying the world needs more of that.

So, you heard her…

Get out, shut up and dance with me!

— Jess (@HartshipJ) July 23, 2021

When nature calls, it’s not always quiet.

in life there are some promises u know u just can’t make pic.twitter.com/Dhn8fjqIUY

— isabel b (@itsuhhbell) July 22, 2021

I usually just find a different stall. (Yes, I realize that’s consecutive bathroom-related tweets. And your point is?)

When the stall door won’t stay shut…

Follow me for more #LifeHacks 🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/FVronLXpdy

— Renata Leo | Buffalo Sauce Everywhere (@renataoleo) July 24, 2021