Looking for advice on being hip? Look elsewhere

Time for a confession.

During the summer, when the weather is warm, beach weather, I will sometimes …

… wear jorts.

I wear them knowing that they’re apparently close to the worst thing you can wear (for guys, anyway), and that going out in public wearing them marks me as being horribly unfashionable.

It’s like they’re the Nickelback of fashion. Of course, I don’t think Nickelback sucks, either, and have never understood why they’re considered the avatar for crappy music when Coldplay is right there.

So even though you may be rolling your eyes at my horrible taste right about now, I’ve long accepted that I’ll never be hip or fashionable, and I never have been.

I’ll never wear the most-stylish clothes, listen to cutting-edge music, eat trendy foods or basically do whatever the cool people are doing.

Which is fine. I do what I like.

In honor of this post from Lucy Lives Here, here are other things I’m fine with never being.

A dog person — I don’t hate dogs. Whenever Suzi and I go for a walk and see the neighborhood dog, Buster, we always stop to pet him and talk to his owner. He’s lively and adorable and knows we have a cat behind that door.

I just like dogs with other people, especially larger, high-strung ones. When I was a little kid, my aunt and uncle had a big dog that liked to put her front paws on my shoulders, meaning near my face. It scared me then, and jumpy dogs still weird me out now.

So I’ll stick to cats, thank you very much.

A bacon person — Or coffee, as previously explained.

Someone who uses emojis — I don’t see the point, have never seen the point, will never see the point. I use words, and I also believe in spelling them right with proper punctuation.

Of course, my dislike for emojis means Suzi uses them all the time, just to push my buttons.

Someone who likes dancing — For one thing, I’m lousy at it.

Yet for most people, that may not be a problem. I used to go with friends to a club once in a while, and there was always one guy I was happy to see, because when he tried to dance, he was awful. Didn’t seem to bother him, though.

However, if the expression is “Dance like no one is watching,” I live by “Dance like everyone is watching, and they’re all laughing at you.”

A Boston Red Sox fan — I could live in Massachusetts until my last breath, but I’m a Yankees fan born, a Yankees fan bred, and when my time comes, I’ll be a Yankees fan dead.

 

 

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