When it’s over

At the appointed moment — and it was always going to be a moment and not a time because it was going to be when I finished what I had to do — I wasn’t sure how I would feel.

I highly doubted I’d be tipping over tables, but I could see myself being terse, even snippy, when the layoff became official.

I could also see myself getting emotional. Goodbyes often do that to me, and this was goodbye not to say hello to a new opportunity, but to something unknown.

But in the end, I was kind of surprised what I felt …

… basically nothing.

It was probably late morning Monday, the day before I left, when I realized I was having two contradictory emotions.

On the one hand, I wasn’t ready to let go just yet.

On the other, I just wanted to get it over with.

Come Tuesday, though, I was tired of lingering. It was time.

But I still didn’t know what I’d do when I went to the office for the last time after spending my final two weeks working at home.

By the time I actually got there, however, my feelings had been compartmentalized … still there, but tucked away in a folder and set off to the side. I met with my now-former boss, told a couple stories, cracked a couple jokes, ate a piece of zucchini bread, turned in my equipment and said some goodbyes.

And I grabbed my business cards. They’ve actually been out of date for a few years, since I started a new position, but they have my name on them and while I don’t know what use I’ll have for them, it’s certainly more of a use than anyone else will ever have.

And then I walked out, and didn’t look back.

I headed downstairs, got in my car and went to Suzi’s office.

We went out to dinner that night.

Italian.

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