Five jobs I’d like to have

From the time I was a teenager, if not earlier, I knew I wanted to be a sports play-by-play announcer when I grew up.

I loved sports. I loved talking. I loved talking about sports, and I knew that someday I’d be able to do it better than the guys I was watching on TV.

I majored in radio/TV in college, worked at the radio station and did play-by-play for basketball games.

My career went in a different direction, but is it something I still fantasize about? Of course.

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What exactly are you trying to sell me?

As my wife and I headed through various western Massachusetts towns on the way to Easter dinner, we passed a bowling alley.

I hope it was real bowling and not that fake candlepin stuff they peddle in the rest of the state, but what was of greater interest was something on the sign intended to be a selling point …

… “automatic scoring.”

A ‘basic’ rule … I’ll do me, you do you

My wife and I noticed the line was starting to form outside Brookline Booksmith a little after 4 p.m.

As we were eating pizza and meatballs across the street at Otto, we watched the line grow until it extended around the corner of the building and down to the end of the block.

Turns out, a lot of people wanted to see Stassi Schroeder.

Food, “family,” fun and fellowship

While the children played in the living room, the six adults sat around the table for the Passover reading from the Haggadah sponsored by Maxwell House.

It’s an old family Haggadah is what I’m trying to say.

Our hosts’ older child read The Four Questions, and someone joked that if we were following it to the letter, we’d probably all be pretty hammered drinking four full glasses of wine.

I stuck to grape juice, myself. It’s really sweet. That and the mango took the edge off the bitter herbs and the horseradish.

All my favorite college people

It was a late-at-night college kid problem, but it was still a problem.

Bob was a New York Islanders fan, but hadn’t seen him team upset the Pittsburgh Penguins in the playoffs because he was at our college’s senior ball.

Even worse, it was in the pre-internet, -streaming, -texting, -Twitter days, so he had no way of knowing what had happened.

Which is how I wound up “crashing” the ball.

Save us from the jargon!

Every office, every professional situation has its BS, its jargon intended to make its speaker seem smarter.

Problem is, everyone knows its BS, except perhaps the spreader of such BS.

Sorry … try something else

As my wife and I were driving to lunch today through a neighborhood of fancy suburban homes, we saw a few lawn signs that read “Drive like your pets live here.”

This clearly is an attempt to get the childless set to slow down, since we’re not going to drive like our kids live there if we don’t have any, right?

Moving upstairs

With any move, there are details you have to figure out.

Such as where the paper towels are (above the counter, instead of under the sink).

And now, since I’m now around other people and walls are thin, whether I’d have to wear headphones when I listen to music (so far, no).

And since I have this weird thing about hitting the top step with my right foot, how I have to hit the first step in order for that to happen. (Also with my right foot.)

‘Normal’ is what you make of it

Laundry’s going.

My wife will be grocery shopping.

Our cat Sasha was originally happy to see us, but now she’s off doing whatever it is she’s doing.

We’re home from New York, and although neither of us go back to work until Monday, things will now get back to normal.

American symbol, American stories

There was a moment on the ferry when it hit, just as it crossed in front before making the last turn into the dock — “That’s the Statue of Liberty.”

Not that it was a surprise — after all, it’s why everyone on the boat was there — but more a moment of awe.

“That’s the Statue of Liberty.”