No pinch, but I grew an inch

As someone who has spent most of his life in the front row of pictures, I have some sympathy for the guy who wants so badly to be tall, he tells people he’s 6 feet, even though he’s only 5-feet, 8-inches.

But only some — I mean, c’mon … it’s one thing to add an inch or so, but four is just silly.

However, if he’s patient, maybe he’ll be able to do what I did …

… add an inch when he’s 45.

“If only I could be an inch taller,” I thought. “Then I’d be average height.”

How short was I as a kid?

So short that when I hit my growth spurt, I grew 11 inches in a year … to get to 5’3”.

After that, I grew an inch here and an inch there, eventually reaching my adult height of 5’9”.

I wasn’t crazy about it, since it still felt short. “If only I could be an inch taller,” I thought. “Then I’d be average height.”

But who keeps growing when they’re an adult?

I can do math well enough that I knew what she meant when she said “70 inches.”

I don’t really like going to the doctor, but by the time I got back from London and Edinburgh in February, my left shoulder had hurt constantly for about a month. It was even hard to put on a jacket.

Doctor Google had me convinced I had a torn rotator cuff, but I decided to get it checked out. My shoulder was fine — mild bicep tendinitis, gone in a couple weeks with some stretching — but before the exam, the assistant had me step on a sale.

I can do math well enough that I knew what she meant when she said “70 inches.”

I was 5’10”!

I have no idea where the inch came from. Maybe it had been there all along and I just didn’t know it. All I know was that it was more exciting than logic said it had any right to be.

I think that makes me at least as tall as my father, and a whole foot taller than my mother.

My brother claims to be 5’11”, but that can’t be true. No way my little brother can be taller than me. Everyone knows that’s not allowed.

But maybe, just maybe, if I’m in dress shoes and my hair is long and the wind is blowing … I can reach 6 feet.

Nah, better not push it.

 

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